Rush
June 10th 2007 23:55
rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rush rushes courtesy of one two three four space no cutting no pasting
clothes part
with bending
the chill
rushes over
and my spine
tingles
funny how
we call air
fresh
when it's
really cold
write it out
put it down
but don't put
lists in the rain
~Lily
clothes part
with bending
the chill
rushes over
and my spine
tingles
funny how
we call air
fresh
when it's
really cold
write it out
put it down
but don't put
lists in the rain
~Lily
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Comment by David
I love the opening.
And
the
rushing
nature
of
the
rest
of
the
poem.
I'm just wondering if it would read better if you rearranged these lines:
we call air
fresh
when it's
really cold
And repositioned them at the ending, as if to suggest rush hour (day? life?) is over.
when it's really, really cold.
David ...
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
i'm bad at editing; i find it excruciating. my poems often insist they stay in the same form as the mould they were poured into at the time.. maybe my downfall, i don't know
but i do i appreciate your intent and suggestion...
stay warm,
~Lily
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
~Lily
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
What a....rush...
Big hugs...much warmth....
Dusk
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
I know I`m a bit late... but it`s Friday - I hope you have managed to slow down a bit - whew!
Good luck for the job interview on Monday - hope it all goes well for ya.
we call air
fresh
when it's
really cold
this is great :0)
weekend huggins
ash
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
thanks for the warmin' hugs, much
winter creeps in under the doors
it's foggy out, but i like to call it mist
dragonflys on peony roses,
~Lily
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
does Fridays child get blamed for everything? lol
no slowing down, only just heating up here.. metaForically of course, it's freezing -- i can just hear those in the arctic circle laugh at my saying that)
thanks for the well wishes on the interview, i loathe em, just give me the damn job, and when do i start? lol
i'm still thinking about that buffalo - lion - croc stand off Ash.. yay for baby buff, albeit probably with some pieces missing, hope they heal and it's out chasing lions..
hugginz warm..
ladybugs and sunflowers,
~Lily
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I can really relate to this post. One of my friends commented that I live in fast forward and see the world in slow motion.
I especially like this
funny how
we call air
fresh
when it's
really cold
In Texase, we get very few days of cold (maybe 10 per year). I love it when the "fresh" "cold" air takes my breath away!
Mis
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
my poems often insist they stay in the same form as the mould they were poured into at the time
Is something my muse does to me too!
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
Really? only 10 days a year?
on your side of the world, cold air would be a refreshing change...
i'm still trying to unpack that..i understand it on some level, but i can't quite put my finger on the pulse...
thanks for your eyes upon the rush...
stay cool,
~Lily
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
I usually wreck poems when i edit.. i try to avoid the edit monster .. the tweaker gets a word in every now and then...
enjoy Winter for me, i endure it, and count the days til the warmth returns to thaw...
warmth, and coffee by a roaring fireplace,
~Lily
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
I have a bath, you have a fire place... oh wait, you have a bath now too
siiiiiiiigh, i used to have a roaring open fireplace...
has coffee,
~Lily
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
My fave is bergamot. I did use the bath on Friday....Its the biggest tub Ive ever had, You know, so big you have to really watch out as you sit back cos your feet dont reach the end! Very nice, but it didnt sort out my shoulder(or monthly) cramps....
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
the slow combustion stove bought back memories of mama's kitchen.. we saved some baby rabbits from it's warmth ::: smile :::
i miss my old fireplace, but thanks for reminding me of the word 'bath' and 'bergamot'.. they go well together..
~Lily